There is one whom I can not show my innocence to
I stand on the grounds of always being jaded and harsh
Unable to admit to seeing the beauty that others find in her
They are just people I remind myself, now in retrospect
Aware for themselves of the things that draw me to her
So I ask myself what is lacking in our relationship
Why I feel like we are honest with each other
All the while not being honest with myself
At least not revealing myself to her in a way which she deserves
Or the way I want her to view me
I know that there is a more pure being longing to interact with her
So what is my hesitation?
This clouded compassion that I observe misdirects my navigation to the truth
I have become lost in the act of possession
The urges of flesh
Pushing so hard for someone else to fill a void in my soul
A someone that need not have a name, only a warm body
A struggle against myself
One that alienates those that should be close
It is blind jealousy that leads me astray
Clogging my ears and preventing me from listening to her words
I demand that she talk of her and us
Perhaps she has been
My lack of understanding and vision not revealing the message

Another woman shares words of praise and adoration
Unable to take these at face value
I must question motivation
Unsatisfied with just an unknown voice from the ether
I must know her face
Talk in words that are not encrypted
Questions again of the flesh
Again a resurfacing of my confusion between lust and compassion
No knowledge of how to accept without deeper reading

There are men that I feel strongly for
This point being more difficult
The separation of physical and compassion stronger
More defined
I have found that I am a naturally tactile person
I look at a friend and I wish to hold his head in my hand
Not as a sign of lust
But as an act of caring
Can I separate the two?
No desire to kiss or feel his body against mine
Yet the lines are so blurred
With years on inhibition I have lost site of what it means to be close
Relating to someone on a deep plane without holding them
Or sleeping with them
Seems such an impossible task
One must follow the other
Yet the second act seems to dirty the first
And with my same gender the second prevents the first
How can I get close and overcome this dilemma
The need to open up is followed by a want to cover the nakedness with an embrace

So I am stuck without definition of what compassion is
I talk to one that I ruined trust with by closing the openness with flesh
She feels these questions too
Others I know live the struggle
Alone is this puzzle I am not
As human beings we can see that there is a more enlightened way to coexist
That dirtying trust with self imposed uncaring intercourse is not necessary
There is a way
How do we find it?