- Wednesday, October 07, 1998 at 04:52:07 (EDT)
missing isn't worth it
- Tuesday, September 15, 1998 at 22:39:37 (EDT)
laughing laughing laughing

shut the fuck up
crazy psycho hasbeens

concentrate on the dreams you can make come true

stop wasting all your sperm on someone who aint nevah gonna taste it, yo

know what i'm sayin, g?

again. laugh. again.

whine whine whine
anger anger anger
jack jack jack


and don't fucking look at me like i don't know

i do know


i do

- Sunday, July 05, 1998 at 17:29:00 (EDT)

anyone reading this
should be outside playing
instead of falling prey to what they will never have
which is reality here

this is a tool
this is a fantasy

this is not real

don't get bent out of shape that i'm saying this
don't get mad that i don't follow your whiney dreams
i was born on the way down this road

and now i've grown up
now i see
this isn't something that can work out
none of it

so i'm not crying anymore
i'm not pitying anymore

i'm accepting
and for god sakes, you should too.

- Sunday, July 05, 1998 at 16:48:16 (EDT)

move along, move along
one fails you, another may not
nice outlook

let me rethink that
it's better to be alone
"push the little daisies and make them come up"
push the little daisies away
cause you're too good for them, right?

yah. that's what i thought...
- Monday, June 22, 1998 at 15:20:01 (EDT)

you don't really mean it
or maybe you do...

eggs in the morning
why am i awake so much
why do i sleep so much

"it's really odd being in your world"
oh is it?
"yes. i don't want to leave. let's go look at the stars and hold hands"

no no no

"*i can be cruel...i don't know why.*"

i need...

fuck. i'll get back to you on that one.
- Monday, June 15, 1998 at 05:40:45 (EDT)

"you were one of the three"

random boy made me smile
last night

don't look now but...

haha shh...

fight fight fight

tonight maybe a late night
walk by the piers
westside water...closer to home
i'm scared already
something new
scary new
"no. there is another."

cut my thumb
teddy bear bandaid

fell asleep with his smile on my lips
- Thursday, June 11, 1998 at 21:09:41 (EDT)

we shouldn't be apart
you'll always be my whore
in my heart


you like that, color boy?
- Tuesday, June 09, 1998 at 19:51:09 (EDT)

so hard to stop
but i'm working
i can be strong if i really try
if i can just get the word "no" out

then run into the bathroom to vomit
or masturbate

whichever comes first

keep me from being crazy
everyone seems to want to close in around me
stop my breathing
stop my heart
stop everything about me

i gotta go away from it all
i think i'm pulling away from everything

- Monday, June 01, 1998 at 19:30:24 (EDT)

"and i'm in trouble for the things i need"

dunno how many people read this anyway...

rockin sex last night
rocking my world
rocking my heart
[i think this is called, "first time complete enjoyment"]

right at the end. bubye. that's all. i'm ready for the real world now.

wherever that crusty place is.
"one last time"


isn't there anyone stronger than me, who i can be with, who will help me from doing crazy things to myself?

my leg hurts. it's cut. and i'm stupid.
[quite a lot of action around this town]

ok ok. back to daytime dreams.

maybe they really are all i have left.
- Thursday, May 28, 1998 at 13:17:45 (EDT)

"hey monkey
don't you wanna be needed too?"

this lonely tear has been trickling down for a while now
waiting for you to wipe it away
you say that you don't want to
you're too lost right now flying around with the world

well if you need me, i'm here
like always
in small pieces that you've never bothered
to put together and look at as one.

- Saturday, May 23, 1998 at 23:25:58 (EDT)

"cause i need more time
yes i need more time
just to make things right..."

- Thursday, May 21, 1998 at 00:44:22 (EDT)
"i need truth before belief"
- Friday, May 15, 1998 at 23:57:14 (EDT)
"i've gone, and done it again"

i make them all hate me
so there is no one left who might hurt me...

- Wednesday, May 13, 1998 at 12:28:44 (EDT)

i can imagine a lot of jealousy going round...
perhaps that wouldn't have to happen if...

nevermind. keep your dreams.
- Thursday, May 07, 1998 at 14:32:21 (EDT)

i'm so damn tired of idealism
it's fucking the world up
i wish it didn't have to be this way
but it makes me crazy and reality always comes to dissapoint
and it annoys me when i see it in others

why can't you understand that?
why isn't reality ever enough or satisfying?
it's all about stupid dreams that don't come true.

if i could tell the world to shut up right now, i would.
if i could walk away right now, i would.
i'm sick of people hiding.
say what you're really meaning.
or does it feel good to hide behind metaphors?

- Tuesday, May 05, 1998 at 14:50:03 (EDT)

and it's so hard not being able to help you.
both you and i need to forget the past.

right now.

- Monday, May 04, 1998 at 00:59:18 (EDT)

"all these changes taking place
i wish i'd seen the place
but no one's ever taken me"

what's that one idiom...the one about tripping when moving too fast or whatever?
i forget lots.
and i'm spinning towards something unrecognizable to me.

(trip not little star)

"i just want to scream hello
my god it's been so long
never dreamed you'd return
but now here you are
and here i am
hearts and thoughts they fade...away
hearts and thoughts they fade...fade away
hearts and thoughts they fade...fade away"

- Saturday, May 02, 1998 at 15:01:06 (EDT)

it's so damn easy for him to make me smile...
it's so damn easy for him to move me to need...

dammit. pureness.
- Friday, May 01, 1998 at 03:48:01 (EDT)

the "dream" can lie.
the "dream" can be evasive.
the "dream" can break.

nothing is essential.
nothing lasts forever.

i guess the choice that must be made is whether fleeting moments
are worth eternal memories of "if only..."

- Thursday, April 30, 1998 at 12:33:15 (EDT)

being "the most special" to someone is a pipe dream.

don't want for that.
don't ever think there is no one else.

you are one of many.
- Wednesday, April 29, 1998 at 13:57:51 (EDT)

one month they're obsessed with you
the next month, they're obsessed with someone else
and you're sposed to trust people?
you're sposed to feel important?
you're sposed to believe in people when their emotions
are like water faucets
turn on turn off turn on turn off

make up your fucking mind but don't sit there and tell me you love me and then when you don't get the answer you want, move on with the blink of an eye to someone else.
cause it's never ever gonna work out for you that way.

you can't move through this world being a strobe light.

don't you ever throw words around because they mean something.
they mean too much.

- Tuesday, April 28, 1998 at 17:50:36 (EDT)

we knew we couldn't belong under the same stars
we knew that we didn't belong
the whole way
emptied life
but does he know that i wanted to?
does he know that i wanted all of it?

and cared.
and still do.

- Monday, April 27, 1998 at 15:57:29 (EDT)

good people never get the breaks
or what they want...
"only the good die young"
heartache always present, it seems

and we all wonder why it's so much easier to pour out sorrow
rather than happiness.

- Monday, April 27, 1998 at 14:00:03 (EDT)

i see your eyes and my inner thighs become wet
my body tenses
i can't breathe
all of a sudden i want your fingers tongue anything inside of me
i just want to hold you inside me and not let go
it seems as though there is nothing else that i want except you
going nowhere but further inside
is that love?
is that sex?
is that all?
and what i want to know is if there is anything that can possibly make me more euphoric...

- Sunday, April 26, 1998 at 23:18:13 (EDT)