My body may be young, but my soul is very old
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the voices in my head have fallen silent
does that mean i am a little less insane?
not quite
my psychosis runs deeper than that
my paranoia of self doubt greater - "have they abandoned me?"
they reject me
my own mind does not accept who i am
i listen, and listen hard
a few whispers
as if the voices speak not from their own soul
the rejection theme is prevailing in my life
not it a way that hurts me
more puzzeling and frustrating
i am very happy with the beast that i am
an artist, geek, bad poet, romantic, type thingy
but on the outside of this book the cover is very plain
why reach to my shelf when the flashy magazine is just over there
sure the pages say nothing, and it's mostly ads
but i don't look interesting
no piercings or tattoos
normal hair, normal cloths
no excellence of physiqe to speak of
nothing all that unique
and that doesn't bother me
but it bothers them
and i hate them for it
shallow evil bastards
but i don't want to be alone
i want to know the pleasure of a long kiss my hand on her face
talking about love and dreaming
i desire these things
but unless i change myself i can not have them
screw it
i'm tired of the fight
and to be completely rude
if you are not in visiting distance
i don't wanna hear shit from you about this entry!

- Thursday, May 21, 1998 at 16:19:36 (EDT)
i have aspirations
- Wednesday, May 20, 1998 at 16:00:28 (EDT)
I'm one of those types that could probably be a happy prisoner of war as long as there was a bug in my cell to look at.
-Edward O. Wilson

- Tuesday, May 19, 1998 at 14:42:51 (EDT)
i made a mistake
purchased a game
ultima online
completely distracted

- Tuesday, May 19, 1998 at 00:55:26 (EDT)
oh hello
were you expecting me to write in this thing
gee it must have escaped me
time is just dripping off my skull
like this sleep depravation headache
i like to deprive myself of things
xcept food
bn doesn't think i'm fat though
what does he know
everyone thinks he is handsome
i just think he is silly
i need to win the lottery so i can be home sleepin like he is right now
well it's lunch time more in a bit,
if i remember

- Friday, May 15, 1998 at 12:46:51 (EDT)
voices in my head whisper words that spawn images

Gofik Boi


- Thursday, May 14, 1998 at 06:28:49 (EDT)
Car insurance companies are evil
i am convinced that they have a deal with repair shops so the cost of most repairs is just $10-20 above your deductable
that way you pay for the repair out of your pocket
and STILL pay the insurance people $200 a month
yup, I'm a single male under the age of 25

- Wednesday, May 13, 1998 at 13:57:13 (EDT)
music on my mind
J Church
and words

- Tuesday, May 12, 1998 at 18:06:23 (EDT)
ok i'm going to be totally superficial for a moment
and drool over a stunning artsy geek gurl
some smart video game company exec has GOT to offer her a job
a face like that could sell any game
and i bet she could pummel any cyberjock that comes along too
T0nka - Bridget Fitzgerald... man oh man

- Monday, May 11, 1998 at 20:07:03 (EDT)
i think my life is pretty nifty
in fact i think it's down right enchanted
i always see these neato connections in my thoughts and life
like today
SiD is my baby, i've put a great deal of work into it
i'm proud of it
and i finally think it's ready to be viewed by more than just my friends
i really appreciate all those that have stuck in there since the start
you've helped me more than you know
but it's time for traffic right
well there is the banner option
but no way am i going to compramise my style just for the possibility of some hits
so i went to yahoo and looked up:
"(insert adjective) site of the (insert measurement of time)" web sites
with full intent on submitting SiD
but they all asked me to describe the site
it's where i do my stuff
i don't know how to contain this beast in a paragraph
i tried
and we will see what happens
but man... it's been buggin me all day
so tonight when i get home from work i do some surfing
check out Justin Hall
he has not done much lately 'cus he's been doing the thesis thang
and frankly i don't much care for the eyeball GUI
but i shot through a couple links
i always follow the little ones at the bottom
usually the most interesting
today being no exception
i found this
if you have a web space anywhere you should read that
it's old ('95) but holds true as much as the day he wrote it
but two lines struck me
"Beware anything that tells you what it is. That is marketing."
"Things should just be. Critics can talk about them. If you are talking about what you are doing, you aren't doing it."
and that made me feel better about not being able to label SiD
almost happy about it

a mental note:
Laundry takes waaaaaaay to much time!
i'd gladly pay someone $50 bones a month to do mine for me
i NEED to do some tonight
but i also told the Richmond Performing Arts Collective i'd do a flyer for them
they needed it last week
it's tonight or never
and they are my friends
i don't wanna let 'em down
so i may go another day in wrinkled duds
that stinks
LOL, bad pun

- Monday, May 11, 1998 at 18:44:34 (EDT)
well I've resisted putting advertising on my site for some time
only those resources i've been directly associated with have gotten space
but SiD is becoming mature enough to spread the word
so i'm going to pick some places to give linkage to
the first one is an arts site
so how can you go wrong w/ that?

- Monday, May 11, 1998 at 13:55:25 (EDT)
just capped off some Arizona Green Tea and i'm set
so yeah baby, yeah, shagadelic
hi lisa
tanks for the compliments
sorry it breaks your browser
an FYI for everyone: SiD is only tested on Netscape 4.0 PC
if it has problems on your system email me and tell me exactly what page
i might see if i can fix it :)
so lis i looked at your page
nice use of the Chank Font
eclectic as ever

back to work for me
HTML 24/7

- Monday, May 11, 1998 at 13:03:58 (EDT)
83 new files online
another full day of working on the site
i'm tired
very tired
i ask you to be my proofreaders if you would
email me the typos you find
and of course comment on the content ;)

- Monday, May 11, 1998 at 02:37:37 (EDT)