My body may be young, but my soul is very old
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there are rare occasions where i find a site
and it rips my heart out
this site did that
i feel as though i just wretched
i am uncomfortable
and very much regretting that i am not in love

- Friday, June 26, 1998 at 16:04:37 (EDT)
let me rephrase that last one
"non-4.0 browsers" means Netscape 3.x
everything else can bite me
in fact it crashes IE 3
hah! right on
support diversity!

- Friday, June 26, 1998 at 15:18:03 (EDT)
ok so how long has it been that non-4.0 browsers don't see a white background on my journal?
thanks to Nancy for pointing this out
it's really weird, i'll try and figure it out
sigh.... design problems galore, wish it was easy to upgrade, so everyone would do it

- Friday, June 26, 1998 at 14:54:38 (EDT)
an art link
- Thursday, June 25, 1998 at 17:49:00 (EDT)
I'm really burned on the internet web shit
actually people in general
go read these peoples pages if ya want someone who gives a damn
i think I'm gonna take the week off from SiD

- Monday, June 22, 1998 at 11:21:33 (EDT)
bn go here: gofik crap
- Monday, June 22, 1998 at 10:50:42 (EDT)
oregon dreams
of embraced states
distance shortened
but still quite far
you return tonight
yet still not here
maybe someday
maybe soon

- Monday, June 22, 1998 at 02:02:00 (EDT)
gone to the beach for the weekend, see ya sunday night......
- Saturday, June 20, 1998 at 04:04:46 (EDT)
Another HTML document panicked, and Olssen Hall learned a hard lesson from the tree.
- Friday, June 19, 1998 at 11:35:39 (EDT)
as i read this i almost cried
i don't care if you are not a skinny puppy fan
that is a tale of the difficulties of creating
of how the love of the "child" can destroy the ones that gave it birth
they all only wanted the best
but as they grew as people, their ways of expressing themselves grew too
they lost sync
it's what made them great
it's what killed them

- Thursday, June 18, 1998 at 17:23:00 (EDT)
work w/ computers?
well maybe you have had bad days
hopefully not this bad

- Thursday, June 18, 1998 at 13:30:54 (EDT)
this proves it!
we are really screwed!

- Thursday, June 18, 1998 at 11:57:13 (EDT)
it's an 80's morning
did you like music in the 80's?
or how about film? or a heartbreaker form that particular film (oh sigh)
yeah, i remeber that stuff

- Thursday, June 18, 1998 at 11:29:46 (EDT)
this has to be some ov the funniest shit i have ever seen on the web
- Wednesday, June 17, 1998 at 15:16:28 (EDT)
puce, i'm a bastard and i'm sorry
i thought about what i said
and there is no way i could have said that to your face
it's just too easy to lock away one's heart when all you are doing is typing
you know who it is

the following is quite a tale so be prepared.......

so now... the grand event
the last 18 hours of my life
oh my gawd!!!
it all started on the commute home
a summertime storm rolled in
the rain and hail were so bad that the entire interstate just stopped and waited until it was done
very surreal
one second it was dry
the next i could not see the hood of my car, much less the road
and a machine gun sound of ice pellets whapping against metal and glass
so very odd, i prolly should have been frightened, but i was just in awe
finally i made it home
i went to log on to the net so i could say an apology
but the line rang fast busy
damn ISP
i've always had a problem with an internet company run by people coming from a 200 year old print industry
they just don't get it
they have good geeks, but they are all bound and gagged
so i had no way to waste my time
i felt somehow cheated
as if i had been wronged by a lover, my computer was not my friend
so i did what came natural
took a nap
at some point around 9pm i woke
still no net (it would not return until today)
i was bored as hell
my room was covered w/ the laundry that i had been putting off
and i had run out of clean undergarments
so i knew what i had to do
something besides laundry!
read some

Ben is Dead on the john
made a few block walk to the SeV for smokes
that helped me wake up and motivate a bit, but not enough
for the most part it just reminded me how hungry i was
so i concluded to solve two problems at once
coffee and food could be mine, as well as an interesting setting
3rd street the destination
i gathered up my sketchbook to do some sequential art (inspired by my restroom reading)
and an Aphex Twin CD and headed out
relatively uneventfull, i the antisocial artist type in the corner sketching away and burnin through the java
but i left that place wired and ready to go
cruized back to pad and put together six loads
still a few items left over too!
by the time i made it to the laundry it was 12:30
the were supposed to be closed, but the lights were on, and the doors wide open
after some difficulty getting change things were underway
time slipped away and my duds got clean
then as i was folding someone walked into the place
only the third person i had even seen all night
and the only other person to come into the laundry
she was a normal jane
plain white t-shirt, and monocrome sweat/stretch pants that were so popular in the late '80s
older women wear them mostly now
and the lower end of the economic spectrum
she kept her space, head down, avaioding eye contace
she was looking in the machines for change
but playing it off pretty well
broke, but not lacking dignity, at least in her own eyes, and that's what counts most
not having much luck she staggered back out to the street
watching the pavement as if it held some great mystery or maybe if she stared long enough it would give up some change
and she had the strut
where her hips move a great deal, in a false sultry advertisement
but this was an empty neighborhood, not much work to be had
maybe she was not looking, just walking that way out of habit
she disapeared around a corner
i returned to my laundry
five minutes later she was back across the street
curious i went outside to smoke a cig
still watching the ground like a hawk she came towards me and went back into the laundry
inside there was a bulliten board that had want ads for realy shitty jobs
she proceeded to remove all of these and fold them up to carry with her
and then she walked to the doorway and just stood there
for the first time she seemed to recognize i was there and brushed a tuft of hair out of her eyes
i said hello, and for some unexplainable reason asked her if she would like to get some coffee
she noticably relaxed a bit, mumbled something, rubbed her nose and took a seat
we started to have a conversation
but i soon realized that she was not really responding to anything i said
but randomly jumping from topic to topic in response to questions nobody had asked
she talked with a very slow draw which was almost comforting aside from the content
i learned her name is christine
she runs her own house cleaning business, she gave me a hand written business card
she's almost 30 (i would not have guessed older that 25)
she has a child
her uncle has ducks living in his house
she misses the country
once her mother bit into a turkey leg and her false teeth came out, her sister took a picture of that
as she painted this broken picture of who she was i folded my clothes
my input was not really needed, it was more as if she was just thinking out loud
eventually i finished and started taking my goods to the car
she stayed inside
the last load in the trunk i walked back to the laundry where she had managed to come outside
"you still want that coffee?"
"hmmmm, yeah, ok"
her response was almost confused, but she followed me back to the car
she began to inteact a bit more with me
asking questions about where we could go and things like that
Denny's seemed like a safe bet for me, not really a discriminating place for 2:30 am
once there she began to explain to me about thw numerous fathers she has known
how one of them was an artist and she wanted to be one once and she knew i was on
oh yeah, i told her what my job is, i got the typical "i want to get into computers"
she told me that this multiple family situatiuon is why she is such an overachiever
i think i must have cocked my head to the side like a puppy that just does not get it
apparently she was thinking out loud again and feeding herself some emotional propaganda
she had the words of a fighter though
to listen to her you would think this woman could do anything
but then i notice the bruises on her wrists
not that i was certain of their cause, but she was rubbing her nose a great deal too
but whatever, she seemed honest enough, just not lucid
i got some more coffe and an english muffin
she went for the grand slam
once it arrived she went silent, a constant flow of food off of her plate
she ate everything except the pancakes
i noticed she had a compulsive need to organize everything on the table
and as she ate the sugar jars and empty plates all found neat tidy homes
finally the pancakes were all that were left
this became ritual, she stared at them for a long time
i was able to observe her beautiful eyes, pale crystal blue, stunning
she poured just the right amount of strawberry syrup and began to cut
the pieces she had were twice what she should have tried to put in her mouth
but she ate them regardless
the plate was cleaned spotless
she then arranged and stacked all the dirty dishes on the table
i smoked and said very little
then went to pay the bill
when we went back out to the car she asked about the stereo
i had it turned off because i figured she would not be the type to like Aphex Twin
i had the Come To Daddy EP in
much to my suprise track 7 really got her going
she enjoyed it greatly, saying how she liked that it was something she could dance to
honestly is the most non-rythmical track on the CD
but sure enough she was grooving out in the seat next to me
i asked what she felt like doing
"I want to cruise, we did that in the 80's, it was fun"
so cruise we did, and listened to track 7 many many times
eventually i had enough
4:30 am and i had to work
i dropped her off at an alleyway she requested
we shook hands
and i went home, buzzin of coffee, to awake to sleep

- Tuesday, June 16, 1998 at 17:07:35 (EDT)
if you really really love me then you will buy something from The The and mail it to me, cuz i feel like a shmuk for not owning any
at least follow that link and read how angry Matt Johnson is!

- Tuesday, June 16, 1998 at 15:19:11 (EDT)
the Gus says he got a visitor from Japan
*grin* i have a feeling i know who that was

- Tuesday, June 16, 1998 at 14:56:24 (EDT)
this band is/was amazing
back an eon ago Jesse Skullhead from Colorado and i used to rawk out to their '95 12 song demo
a little clear tape that was hardly labeled
their site is really old and outdated
but i luved 'em, i can still sing the songs, even though i have not heard that tape in years
and this is their friend
bn... click that last link, trust me!

- Tuesday, June 16, 1998 at 13:42:00 (EDT)