My body may be young, but my soul is very old
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Silicon Dominion
where we write metaphors that we ourselves don't even get

- Wednesday, June 10, 1998 at 19:25:12 (EDT)
yeah, what can i tell you, my brother, my killer what can i possibly say?
well i guess that i miss you, i guess i forgive you, im glad you stood in my way.
did i say something against you?
well puce said that it seemed so
but no dahlin
you are my escape from that which sucks me dry
with you is where i dream
and with her
i find myself split

- Wednesday, June 10, 1998 at 16:28:07 (EDT)
joined a web ring....
made a splash page specifically for their visitors
we'll see how this works out

- Wednesday, June 10, 1998 at 14:48:21 (EDT)
this ranks pretty high on the akward scale:
standing in line at a burger king
a bag in my hand that containt two quarts of water and a plunger
and someone I know (business associate) walks up
says high
and asks me to explain my cargo

- Wednesday, June 10, 1998 at 13:06:36 (EDT)
i came to richmond with the idea of living on my own
that excited me
i was ready to work hard to achieve that
but Bn needed a roof
he had lost his own
and he wanted out of that dreadfull place we had worked together at
so my door opened and a key was made
after a while his prospects faded
he just wanted to stay up all night
sleep all day
all the while i kept working to have my independence
to live on my own by my own terms
but he was there
expecting me to cater to his needs
i could view him as a friend no longer
last night he left
and i hope he does well for himself
maybe he will work for the things he wants
but i wish he could understand how happy i am to be free again
got a full nights sleep
got to work early
excited about my job again
i feel refreshed
even though my apartment stinks from the smell of the backed up toilet he left me
i am free again
to live however i want
without having to restrict myself to someone elses lifestyle
he must understand that i did not want him gone specifically
i'm not happy he had to be kicked out
but i needed my air cleared again
i would have liked to help him out
if only he had helped himself
so i am finally happy again
a big weight off my shoulders
my life is my own
and it is good
good luck Bn

- Wednesday, June 10, 1998 at 09:02:06 (EDT)
- Wednesday, June 10, 1998 at 08:13:19 (EDT)
Freyia Arianrhod - Hera Aine
a destination that weighs heavy on my mind
alone is not my favorite thing
but i'd rather be alone than have a leech on my soul
i can smell the butane
i want to burn the foul wretch off so bad
promisies that have become lies
doing just enough
a step above nothing
to keep it's end of the deal
but if i escape
it can not follow
it's leash is short
get too far from those that dwell on it
and it shrivels and dies
it feeds on those that give it compliment
it creates
and curses any that dare create around it
it will not tolerate any threat to it being the center of attention
this selfish worm
it's mouth full of my blood
i once thought it was too high on itself to realize it's actions
but perhaps i was wrong
perhaps they are calculated
it knows where it lays
and dares me to move it
it is always my fault in it's words
the blameless worm
i will almost enjoy setting it aflame
the release of that act
maybe force the beast to swim on it's own
do maybe one thing for itself
it can not feed from me anymore
it is killing me
a new option though
the escape to a distant shore
a place where recent past can not touch me
where a past of imagination and heart can be touched
i may find more worms there
that thought in my swirling logic
but my heart leads me there
it's noise so loud that it deafens the logic
i will begin the step to my search
a home
a purpose
a place
the women in my head in my sights
my thumb on the flint
i listen to the clean sound of whisteling butane

- Tuesday, June 09, 1998 at 11:21:14 (EDT)
Tina the Troubled Teen
- Monday, June 08, 1998 at 16:37:52 (EDT)
wheee *hic*
i just read a guestbook where Bn put his new URL (
so i guess it's open game now
see his page
send him email
tell him how sexy he is
then tell him why he is almost as attractive as I am
luv the abuse!

- Monday, June 08, 1998 at 16:29:38 (EDT)
Hera Aine....
oh glee, joy, swoon
i miss you too much
i spat for puce about you today, before i even knew you wrote
and all the gurls, grrrrls, womn
you sign the guestbook
and I am so glad everyone puts a URL
i like the pages

- Monday, June 08, 1998 at 16:12:41 (EDT)
Sarah, the Japan one....
follow this link CLICK ME BABY, DO I MAKE YA RANDY?
when you get there notice the band
one of my favs
then read the last bit of news
about Lance's side project
the name...
one of your favorite things
your name on ICQ
damn it
my life is too intertwined
it freaks me out sometimes

- Monday, June 08, 1998 at 11:11:28 (EDT)
amazing that in this day and age a 23 year old can be a burned out old fart
that's what i feel like when i look at one of the most important people to the net
Matt Wright
the journal you are reading uses his scripts
he's prolly a really nice kid
but i could not discuss web design over a pint of beer w/ him

- Monday, June 08, 1998 at 10:20:34 (EDT)
what was Bn up to over a year ago?
- Sunday, June 07, 1998 at 18:14:52 (EDT)
a new place to rant
yup, ya read right
doonsbury dot com

- Friday, June 05, 1998 at 16:58:14 (EDT)
last night.....
well after a little Ultima Online i did go out
the intent was to groove to some gofik tunes
but that did not happen
i did go to the club
but little dancing went down
and i'm happy about that
bn and I strolled in the place
immediately i saw Andrea sitting by herself
i waved but got no response
oh well
Us, the two guys, bellied up to the bar and ordered some drinks
Bn was on a mission and there was nothin sober about it
so we sat and sipped the vodka
i look to my right and catch her eye
me, sitting right next to her
Andrea, talking to a friend, but she waved
i grinned
after a while her friend is gone and she says hello
we start talking
this and that
i point out the guy that dress and dance just like Jonny "Demon-seed" Dewitt aka devil-Bitch
i swoon on about how much i miss him
she tells me that she, like everyone else that knew him, had a crush
common ground
the old norfolk crew
i was of the first generation
the N'Sect club days
Hampton, VA
she was more of the Abyss days, a time when i had dropped out of the gofik haunts
but there was some crossover
knew many of the same people
she knows Jeff very well
and we talked about all that drama
for hours
i danced once, maybe twice
occasionally she would ask me to hold her things and go fuck it up herself
she has mad style
one of the best club dancers for my style of music
a little industro-gofik fairy princess
so very elven
Bn was off doin his Bn thing
the j showed up and shlopped herself at him
that is gettin old real fast
so the night wore on
came towards a close
Andrea and i pretty much in the same place as we were all night
leanin in to yell in each others ear
we poured out the door and found Bn detained
not by his own choice he had become an escort
the j wanted to keep trying
he, too nice to say no....
j's just a gurl in the big dark city
but i did not have to leave
and Andrea lived a block away
i walk her home
making her laugh and smile and all those nice things
i always love doing that
even more so in this case
during the eve when i would go talk to Bn for a minute she would sit there
mostly alone
and look so mad
i remember just sitting and staring at her
thinking to myself, what is it....?
so she laughed
and that felt that much better than usual
and smiles all the way to her doorstep
standing and chatting
and then
an akward moment
for a second i felt the vibe
the one that says
"i'm here, reach out, touch me, kiss me"
just a vibe, eye contact, something that is never put into words
but i hesitated and it was gone
i had been very carefull to leave a great deal of personal space all night
i feared violating that
i let that rule me
but for the better perhaps
there is always next thursday
if i am right
then she will be thinking the same things
and next week i will know for sure

- Friday, June 05, 1998 at 16:21:59 (EDT)
i want to be rich and famous
and this is why:
i want to have a huge house
with a giant back yard
where i can build a playground
and a maze of shrubury (how is that spelled?)
and every other weekend i want to invite over my friends
the famous artists, actors, innovators, and dreamers i know
we will have a cookout
t-shirts and cut-off jeans
relax and be average joes
and i want them to bring their children
let them play together and have fun

i want to be rich and famous
so i can entertain the children of amazing people
be caught in the glory of the potential those children hold

- Friday, June 05, 1998 at 15:46:44 (EDT)
i think i am developing some syndrome
i can not seem to remember things until they are blasted at my retinas with an electron gun
diseases of the coming millenium
whooo hoooo

- Friday, June 05, 1998 at 14:55:01 (EDT)