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Previous: 4/26-4/30 5/03-5/10 5/11-5/21 5/23-5/28 5/29-6/04 6/05-6/10 6/11-6/15 6/16-6/26 Shannon and Carl and Katharine i'm flattered well ok i don't get carl's so it's not so flattering but hey at least he bothered to write! - Thursday, June 04, 1998 at 23:05:08 (EDT) i just had an idea for a short story since i'll never get around to writing it i'll share the idea if you like it feel free to steal it use it here goes: there is a college student working on artificial intelligence he is a big fan of electronic music so he feeds his favorite songs into the machine to analyze for similar traits an attempt to have the machine learn what makes good music to test the success the machine must be allowed to create it own but it is horrible it lacks inspiration but the student finds a solution he connects the machine to the net it then acts like a web crawler and turns the pages it finds into music using it's knowledge gained from his CDs it takes the white noise and paints it into coherent sound i like the concept making a never ending song from the thoughts and ideas that people all over the world have commited to the web maybe this would be a better short film something sarah's friend Aton might make - Thursday, June 04, 1998 at 17:23:31 (EDT) Skinny Puppy lives on - Thursday, June 04, 1998 at 16:52:33 (EDT) sent an email to the Gus today so i'm going to write an entry in his style tonight i am expected to attend gofik night at twisters a bunch ov groovy ghoulies getting together listen to a bad dj the music is mostly techno every fourth song is a goth, industrial, or '80s retro tune this is what richmond constitutes as a theme night i feel old when i go i can buy my own drinks Bn likes it though and i do to, when they play something i want to dance to he likes to people watch i can not understand how they don't irritate him to death but to each their own my anti-social tendacies shine through i got a bad taste in my mouth for thursday nights last week though i was kinda lookin forward to it but Bn wanted to visit ivan first ivan lives a block from the place in the heart of VCU land his apartment is this cluttered little trash bin ivan, the unemployed, sits in the rat hole all day watching pornographic springer, getting drunk, getting high, and playing bad music when i first met him Bn and ivan played song for song it was almost painfull, Bn is so good, ivan is not but last thursday there i was laying on ivan's floor jessica, someone Bn used to know, was tossin herself all over our musician (the good one) she would ramble on about this drug or that while puttin down straight tequila ivan, lookin like a burned up billy corgan, just sat an rambled i interjected some but mostly just lay on the floor dozing and imaptient to leave ivan's amazing gurlfriend arrived, she is the sweetest she had some stories to tell of note was about her being evicted the real estate people are already showing the apartment the agent had let herself and some prospects in when they walked in there she lay, naked, ivan's arm draped over her must have been quite a site made for a funny story i think i would have rented the place on the spot the night wore on i was generally unhappy i wanted to get a grove on but we never made it Bn was content to just lay on the couch bonding w/ ivan being adored by jess i fear that is tonights fate so i will stay home sleep or play video games better than laying on a dirty floor smellin cat poo, viewing dirty panties being with people that don't interest me but..... if i go Andrea might be there a dream she is, a living fairy small and elf like angelic with dark style yeah, i have a crush, have since i met her she is part of the old norfolk crew moved up here for college i miss those people sometimes mostly Jeff i miss him most of all he was my closest friend of the past few years I met him through Jon Dewitt, prolly my best friend ever damn i miss those guys i miss jon so much because i could not get in touch with him if i wanted to i guess this really does not read like anything the gus would write *laugh* oh well.... - Thursday, June 04, 1998 at 16:30:41 (EDT) hey Bn, when can I advertise your new web design? - Thursday, June 04, 1998 at 14:07:09 (EDT) darn typo.....(previous entry) usually i fix 'em but since i'm makin an entry about this one i won't i'm starting to notice that many of the journal peeps know each other even weirder is the fact that many think about the same things on the same days like mention of X Files recently a very odd breed maybe we are all some lost colony and this is how we used to communicate on our home world that is if half of us were not really just a 47 year old black woman - Thursday, June 04, 1998 at 13:54:48 (EDT) hi this guy lives in the same city i found hime thanks to The Gus so get bored and go play on the web while you are out there go see what i made for puce - Thursday, June 04, 1998 at 13:49:10 (EDT) tonight i have intensity thanks to puce for awaking something in me a forgotten way to xpress so much to give or just a wish and dahlin puce when you buy that soundtrack pick up Beth Orton's Trailer Park - Tuesday, June 02, 1998 at 01:31:32 (EDT) anger and rage sometimes they make you feel powerfull intelligent and aware clear and clean these emotions are pure and they reflect my mood - Monday, June 01, 1998 at 16:37:35 (EDT) weekend long and lacking of sleep emotions stretched little adventures everywhere i am sorry lydia sorry i made you frustrated with me sorry that i maybe scared you i am better now but the thoughts still linger said hello to isabella last night weird that the obsession past not that i really miss it just makes the alone seem stronger hello sarah... japan hello sarah... new york - Sunday, May 31, 1998 at 14:19:47 (EDT) i must find out more about Blue Room Released - Friday, May 29, 1998 at 17:19:50 (EDT) it's lunchtime here and as i walked down to the one of the many grub vendors i was reminded of why i wanted/want to be in San Fran so long ago it seems that i expressed that obsession on these pages a new job helped cure it but it is the new job that is feeding it again standing there waiting for traffic it occured to me if i tried to talk about what i do none of these people would get it it's all magic to them most would probably respond with "is that like AOL?" i want to live in a place where i can stand on a street corner and hear people talking about the latest version of PhotoShop i want to be able to go to a coffeehouse and talk to someone i have never met before about designing a good web page that works at 640X480 i want to live in a place where there are people that i can relate to and that can relate to me this web stuff is my life now it will always be part of me... from now on and that isolates me in my mind San Fran has become this mystical place where i may not be so alone now when someone asks what my job is i hesitate not because i am ashamed, far from it but because my fear of that glazed-over look they are going to get people assume that this glorified typing is beyond them that i have some arcane knowledge they will never understand so i hide what i know, what i do a turn-off to them and i hope some of those lucky ones out there read this those jaded bastards that are unhappy with being so privelaged i hope they read this and realize how lucky they are to be able to start up conversation because of the knowledge they have to be in a place where people their own age are doing the same things they do yes, i'm thinking about getting out again - Friday, May 29, 1998 at 12:56:18 (EDT) sometimes lesbians really piss me off because they are evil but i'm getting ahead of myself let me explain yesterday as i was leaving work i saw this couple typical but definately a certain type short buzz cut brown hair frosted blond tacky sunglasses on those foamy neck holder things tight denim shorts bright, usually day-glo, tank-top their build is like that of a marathon runner lean and skinny one usually a little larger than the other it's sad when i saw them i new the look is so overdone it screams their sexual preference we were the only three people on the street i on the sidewalk they crossing over the pavement i made eye contact with one her instant reaction was to grab her lover and kiss her and it was so obvious it was not an act of passion they were walking across the street it was uncomfortable overdone i felt she may as well have lifted her leg and pissed on her she did it because i have a penis because she views me as a threat why is she that disturbed that high on her mountain that she must send out a message that she is, in her own mind, somehow better than me it reminds me of the countless hordes screaming rape it is an evil thing, i do not deny that but every person with a penis is bad because of it? and no i don't care that you do have male friends it's deeper than that it is the fact that so many of the girls (usually under 25) look at a stranger with a penis and impose their own pain they assume that unknown males must be bad i have been sodomized by a friend with an empty beer bottle she was convinced i would enjoy it even when i screamed no and the rape victems that say "i'm only a weak girl" know the truth even if you are a strong guy it does not matter you lay there helpless you can not move thinking over and over "why" and they don't hear you and they won't stop until you cry that's if you are lucky i have been there, felt that but every time i see a woman with an empty rolling rock i don't assume she is bad so i beg of women stop your blind hate i despise resenting you for it test yourself when you see a strange person, one with a penis ask yourself "do i already hate him?" if your answer is yes then wake up he did nothing to you and if he does maybe in some disturbed way just as disturbed as your blind hate his act is a response to his oppressor the ones that assume he is bad only for being born male - Friday, May 29, 1998 at 10:23:21 (EDT) her the one so far away but i call her different than the other two why have i lost you my times have changed and i avoid it all all that includes you i was falling for you falling so fast and hard it would have hurt i backed away your life is about to change so much you will change so much i'll just wait through that i tell myself pick up tidbits here and there from mutual friends never first hand because when i talk to you i dream of you and my dreams are ever so intense i am pained by what i should chase after throw all caution to the wind like i have said to you so many times before but do it for real? am i strong enough brave enough foolish enough and what if i am not who you take me for the essence you know but do you know what my favorite things are? it is soon time to run to that other coast if i dare and i have thought of it in recent past while dwelling on mind in the dark looking internal smothering in my own pain depression a lover in my bed and i said then "why die when you can run" "if you go to her a broken man, she will still take you in" but how could i do that? i think of you and want only to deliver joy in well thought words i can do that on the fly though i am not that at all brooding jaded i want to make you happy but there is no way to know i could or you in mine i could fall for you and maybe i should but to do it one of us must sacrifice everything we have been up until this point all that we have worked our lives toward i am rambling the reason i wrote this is simple i have not forgotten her as she probably thinks i am hiding from her, as i am sure she knows i miss her greatly she was, and is, the light at the end of the tunnel i've built of my own internal coal i need to let her(l) know i am here - Friday, May 29, 1998 at 09:43:14 (EDT) |   |